Kibkom North Cyprus Forum

Fella applies for a job as a Handyman. The Boss says to him. Can you Plaster. The fella says no. Boss says can you Paint. The fella says no. Boss says are you any good at electrical or plumbing work. The fella says no. Boss can you do Joinery work. fella says no. Boss says so whats handy about you then eh. fella says.


















I just live cross the street.

Very good - enjoyed

The Old Ones Are Still The Best.

Why do Skoda's have heated rear windows. To keep you hands warm when push starting it in the winter.

What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof. A Skip.

What do you call a Skoda Open Top Sports Car with twin exhausts A Wheel Barrow.

How do you double the price of a Skoda Car. Put a gallon of petrol in it.

What do you call a skoda driver who say's he has a speeding ticket A Dreamer .

Have you got a wing mirror for a skoda. Okay, seems like a fair swap.

What do you call a Skoda with a really long radio aerial. A bumper car.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

A Chinese fella goes for a job in a Factory. The boss says' to him. OK Mr Wing Wong, you have no skills but i think you should be able to handle the supplies desk, so off you go and look after supplies. About a couple of hours later one of the workers say's to the Boss, I been to the supplies desk and there is no one there. The Boss say's i put that Chinese fella in there this morning, lets go and see what he is playing at. They go to the supplies desk and no sign of Mr Wing Wong they look in the supplies room and still no sign of Mr Wing Wong. The Boss opens a cupboard door and and Mr Wing Wong jumps out and say's.























SUPPLIES.

I've had a Boomerang for years.

It's something i just can't throw away.

Two nuns in a bath
One says "where's the soap?"
The other one says "it does doesn't it!"

What's Brown and sits on a wall................















Humpty dump!

How do you pull a fat bird.?

It's a piece of cake!

The Lone Ranger & Tonto are riding across the plains, and ahead they see a massive hoard of Indians. They look to the left and there are more Indians, on the right there are more Indians. They look behind and see even more Indians. The Lone Ranger say's to Tonto, well old friend it looks as if we are surrounded. Tonto looks at the Lone Ranger and say's.




























































What do you mean we.

That was ruined by the mis-spelling of 'Horde'...

Keithcaley wrote:
I spotted some of the little pests 'processing'

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life,
finally retired.
 
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines
that had been prescribed for her.
 
As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
 
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”
 
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
 
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these
that that could possibly help you sleep!"
 
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said,
"Yes, dear, I know that.
But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange
juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.
and believe me,

it definitely helps me sleep at night."
 
You gotta love Grandmas!!!

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. 
The lastquestion was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
 
One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.
 
He wrote:
 
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
 
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
 
3) It is always the right temperature.
 
4) It is inexpensive.
 
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
 
6) It is always available as needed.
 
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang
indicating the end of the test he wrote:
 
7) It comes in two attractive containers,
and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
 
He got an A.

chiangbill wrote:Keithcaley wrote:
I spotted some of the little pests 'processing'

Erm... - and your point is?

Fella goes to the Doctor with a Strawberry on his head. The Doctor say's i can give you some cream for that.