The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Gary-monger
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The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Gary-monger »

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with Him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.' He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?''Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural.I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.I have a 28 inch waist.Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....

'Outside,.... when you said you.......heard someone coming.......that was me......'

lizzie
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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by lizzie »

Very good NN.
Keep em coming

BLUE BUTTERFLY
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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by BLUE BUTTERFLY »

Naughty but
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

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andrew4232
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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by andrew4232 »

mmm
Karaman, its not all wax jackets and green wellies anymore

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Gary-monger
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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Gary-monger »

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.
He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at quaint pubs to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have pints of Real Ale.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all.. NO PUBLIC TOILETS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Real Ales.

Finally, he finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

"Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me".

He leads him to a back alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby," That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?" .



"No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."

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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Gary-monger »

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:



HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.



On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay,
She opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'

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