Eskimo Restaurant

Have a laugh...but keep it clean.

Moderators: Soner, Dragon, PoshinDevon

Post Reply
wrymouth
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri 30 Jan 2015 11:22 am

Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 1 of 17 in Discussion

Post by wrymouth »

So I went to this Eskimo restaurant.
I asked to see the menu.
The waiter said “ we don’t have a lot of options, so I’ll just call them out to you”.
We have Whale Meat Steaks, we have Whale Meat Curry, we have Whale Meat Stir Fry and of course we have the Vera Lynn.
I said “ what’s the Vera Lynn”.
He said “ Whale Meat again “.

thickey
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 118
Joined: Tue 27 Jan 2015 3:06 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 2 of 17 in Discussion

Post by thickey »

U taking the wee :-1:(

MVP
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 238
Joined: Tue 09 Oct 2012 6:35 am

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 3 of 17 in Discussion

Post by MVP »

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the
bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12
inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the
bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.. He
reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The
little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece
by Mozart.
"Where on earth did you get that ???" asked the surprised bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls
out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub
it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke
and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish - just one."
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a
million bucks !"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then
another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with
ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's
a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist ???🤣🤪

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 4 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

A white man and black man are standing next to each other in the bathroom using the urinals.
The white man looks over and says "how in the world do you get your penis so long?"
The black man replies "tie a brick around the end of it with piano wire wear loose trousers and keep it like that and eventually your penis will be as big as mine."
The white man was skeptical but thought, what the hell.
A month later they meet again in the same restroom with the same situation.
The black man asked how the brick was working for him and the white man replied " mixed results I guess, Its not gotten any bigger but it is turning black"

User avatar
Brazen
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 422
Joined: Mon 09 Sep 2013 9:37 am

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 5 of 17 in Discussion

Post by Brazen »

MVP wrote:
Sun 31 Jan 2021 10:27 am
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the
bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12
inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the
bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.. He
reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The
little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece
by Mozart.
"Where on earth did you get that ???" asked the surprised bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls
out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub
it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke
and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish - just one."
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a
million bucks !"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then
another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with
ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's
a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist ???🤣🤪
😂😂

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 6 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

Hymie says to Moishe: ‘We’ve been friends for years. I’d do anything for you. If I had two houses I’d give you one.’

‘That’s very kind,’ says Moishe.

‘No problem,’ says Hymie, ‘if I had two cars, I’d give you one.’

‘What if you had two chickens?’ asks Moishe.

‘Sod off,’ says Hymie. ‘You know I’ve got two chickens.’

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 7 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

Hymie goes to the doctor. After he leaves the surgery, the doctor calls in his wife, Becky.

‘Hymie has really high blood pressure,’ he explains. ‘If he carries on like this, he’ll be dead in a month. But you can prevent it. Prepare him a fresh healthy meal every day, don’t let Hymie lift a finger around the house and, most importantly, make love to him five times a week. Do that and he’ll make a full recovery.’

On the way home, Hymie asks Becky: ‘What did the doctor say to you?’

Becky replies: ‘He said you’re going to die.’

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 8 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

Hymie is involved in a motorway pile-up.
When he wakes in the hospital the doctor says: ‘You’ll be fine, Mr Cohen, but sad to say your manhood was chopped off in the wreck and we couldn’t find it. You’ve got £9,000 insurance compensation. We can build you a new one for £1,000 an inch. You’d better discuss with your wife what size she’d prefer.’

Hymie agrees to consult his wife, Becky.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks: ‘What’s the decision?’

Hymie replies: ‘We’re having granite worktops.'

divesups
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 91
Joined: Fri 03 Apr 2015 3:24 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 9 of 17 in Discussion

Post by divesups »

A WHITE HORSE GOES ONTO A PUD AND ASKS THE LANDLORD FOR A WHISKEY

THE LANDLORD REPLIES YES WHITE HORSE WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE,WE HAVE QUITE A FEW, FAMOUS GROUSE, JOHNY WALKER , BELLS IN FACT WE HAVE ONE NAMED AFTER YOU!

WHAT ERIC?

User avatar
jayceebee
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 627
Joined: Thu 21 Jun 2012 9:30 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 10 of 17 in Discussion

Post by jayceebee »

Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys, and his wife Dale Evans were sitting in their ranch house when Dale asked, "Roy, what would you like for your birthday next week?"

"Well, Dale," replied Roy, "all my life I've worn cowboy boots, and just once I'd like a nice pair of patent leather shoes!"

So, Dale ordered a nice pair of patent leather shoes and gave them to Roy on his birthday. "Oh, thank you, Dale! Just what I wanted" exclaimed Roy with glee. He took off his cowboy boots and put on his patent leather shoes, then decided to go for a ride on Trigger.

While riding out on the ranch, a wild cat came upon Roy and started chewing on Roy's shoes! This angered Roy, so he took his pistol and shot the wild cat dead. He then slung the dead cat over his horse and rode back to the ranch house.

Dale, having heard the shot, was waiting on the porch when Roy rode up. She saw the dead cat, and Roy's chewed-up shoes, and said: (to the tune of a certain Glenn Miller number)

"Pardon me, Roy: Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 11 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

Went to the restaurant and the manager said; "Do you mind waiting for half an hour?"
"Sure, no problem," I replied.
"Good, take these drinks to table six."

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 12 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

I met my girlfriend whilst I was on holiday in Spain.
I said; "Hello love, what are you doing here?"

wrymouth
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri 30 Jan 2015 11:22 am

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 13 of 17 in Discussion

Post by wrymouth »

A flasher opened his mac and exposed himself in front of a little old Jewish lady.

She said " You call that a lining !"

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 14 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

wrymouth wrote:
Mon 01 Feb 2021 2:36 pm
A flasher opened his mac and exposed himself in front of a little old Jewish lady.

She said " You call that a lining !"
:lol: :lol: :lol:

How about this one?

A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long.

"No problem," says the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. No bend your wrists. See, now it's fine."

"But the collar is up around my ears!"

"It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little ... no, a little more ...bend at the waist, that's it."

"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.

"No, bend your knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror. OK walk on the balls of your feet at the same time. There you go the suit fits perfectly."

So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street.

Reba and Becky see him go by.

"Oh, look," says Reba, "that poor man!"

"Yes," says Becky, "but you have to say it's a beautiful suit."

User avatar
Keithcaley
Verified Member
Verified Member
Posts: 8077
Joined: Sat 21 Apr 2012 6:00 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 15 of 17 in Discussion

Post by Keithcaley »

I think that you're on a roll - keep it up!

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 16 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

Hymie’s friend Moishe says he is sleeping with a fabulous blonde – one of twins. Then he says he is also sleeping with the other twin. “How do you tell them apart?” Hymie asks. “Easy,” he replies. “Her brother’s got a moustache.”

EnjoyingTheSun
Kibkommer
Kibkommer
Posts: 3689
Joined: Fri 16 Mar 2018 4:46 pm

Re: Eskimo Restaurant

  • Quote
  •   Message 17 of 17 in Discussion

Post by EnjoyingTheSun »

There are two gates to heaven. One has a sign, ‘For husbands who are henpecked’; the other, ‘Husbands who have not been henpecked’. In front of this gate, all by himself, is Hymie. A passing angel asks, “Are you certain you’re waiting in the right place?” “I’m not sure,” replies Hymie. “My wife told me to stand here.”

Post Reply

Return to “JOKES - Kibkom North Cyprus Forum”