The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Gary-monger
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The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Gary-monger »

Man goes to a gym and asks the trainer - "can you teach me to do the splits ?"

Trainer : "How flexible are you ?"

Man : "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Post by Gary-monger »

A guy was driving down the M6 with his blonde girlfriend and she piped up, "I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales". "Why do you think that?" he said. "Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says "stit ruoy su wohs".

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Post by Twaddle »

How about this one!

Fred was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

BLUE BUTTERFLY
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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by BLUE BUTTERFLY »

keep them coming.
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

timaloy
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Post by timaloy »

Daffy Duck's on a dirty weekend, calls reception & asks for condoms. Receptionist says shall I put them on your bill? "Don't be thuckin thupid I'd thuffocate

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Post by Gary-monger »

News Flash.... Indian builder killed in roof collapse during
the construction of the stage for Lionel Richie concert.
The site foreman said

"the last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling"....

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Post by Gary-monger »

I went to a funeral yesterday, mate of mine died when he got hit by a tennis ball.



It was a great service...

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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Twaddle »

A man is driving down the road when he sees a sign saying 'Talking Dog For Sale'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back garden, so he goes round the back and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Certainly do,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to serve my country so I told the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten quid,' he says.

'Ten quid? But this dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the garden'

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Re: The Garry Monger Joke of the week

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Post by Meggymoo »

Loved that one Twaddle

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